Church bulletin bloopers

Standard
You may have seen some of these before, but there’s some good new ones here as well… Enjoy!


————————–

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes snacks and meals. 

————————–

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
————————–
Ladies , don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

————————–
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
————————–
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
————————–
Miss Charlene Mason sang, ‘I will not pass this way again ,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
————————–
For those of you who have children and don’t know it , we have a nursery downstairs.

————————–
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
————————–
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
————————–

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
————————–
At the evening service tonight , the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
————————–
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 

————————–
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
————————–
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you will want remembered. 

————————–

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

————————–
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow. 

————————–
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

————————–
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

————————–
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

————————–
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 
————————–

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 
————————–

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
————————–

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
————————–
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge so up yours.’

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Church bulletin bloopers

  1. These are great. I like the B.S. one. I’ve heard it called that many times (the study, not the Bible) but never in print!

    One time in church I announced a “large woman’s rally” and people burst out laughing at me. I have always hated doing announcements.

  2. The thing that would certainly be good in regards to this webpage is if you could actually sign up for threads that you post; Is this achievable?

  3. Hi does an experienced user on here mange to view this website and load it clearly on their mobile phone eg. blackberry? Any assistance gratefully accepted as to which is the best way to visit this place on the move. I am looking to change my mobile phone shortly

  4. ayekinMgo8, the best thing you can do is to use something like Google Reader where you can manage all your blog reading.

    AndrewJZ, sorry, I don’t know how the webpage is viewed on a mobile device. I don’t have one!

Comments are closed.